Kim Kardashian’s Butt

Kim Kardashian’s Butt

I hate to admit this… but on Snapchat, I CONSTANTLY find myself looking at all the featured snap stories😅 it’s easily the BIGGEST waste of time… but… I just get roped in!! Recently, there’s been some snap stories that DRIVE ME UP THE FREAKIN WALL. Those stories are about Kim Kardashian and her infamous BUTT. 

I know I shouldn’t give a rats 🍑 about Kim K’s… but I just see so many things wrong with all these pictures and stories about her as of late. 

It started out with some pictures that paparazzi posted of Kim on some trip to some paradise, and they released some less than flattering pictures of Kim’s butt. In all honesty, I remember thinking, good for Kim and good for society to see that there are pictures out there that show that she’s just as human as the rest of the world. She’s a mother of two, is busy doing whatever it is that she does, and she has a human body that has human cellulite on her booty. She is still stunning and one of the most beautiful people. However, shortly after the pictures were released, Kim came out in an interview and was saying how they photoshopped the pictures to look worse than what she really is. She also mentioned that she hadn’t been working out so that she was going to start training even harder to get a better figure. Then today, I saw the snap chat story titled “Kim sweats her way through workout after unflattering bikini pictures inspired fitness overhaul”. Also in the story she says that she’s eating “absolutely no carbs” (which I could definitely take a whole post dedicated to carbs and how wrong the diet culture is about them). I felt so upset and my blood BOILED. What is this teaching the world? You go into “fitness overhaul” and eat “absolutely no carbs” when a picture of you doesn’t look perfect? 

Now, I’m not saying that her getting a trainer and doing intense workouts is bad. Definitely NOT. Working out is great, and hiring a trainer to help motivate and push you is just as great. Wanting to better yourself for YOUR OWN GOOD is great. I think the problem is the reason she is beginning to hit the gym again. That reason being purely for looks, not for the health benefits. I might be wrong… but that’s just the impression that I’m under. 

The reason that I get so upset about all of this is the fact that I have been in a place before where I would’ve looked at that and started scheming in my mind how I could do better. I would’ve looked at Kim eating “absolutely no carbs” and hiring a personal trainer, and I would’ve wanted to figure out how I could get the same results. Then, the notion that working out and eating are directly linked with your physique would’ve been reinforced. The ‘diet cultured’ way of thinking in my mind would’ve eaten that article right up. I would’ve had even more of a desire to become thinner than what I already was… because I would’ve linked that with beauty and success. 

It breaks my heart knowing that someone out there may be seeing the same articles and posts and feeling like I felt not too long ago. Seeing the beautiful Kim Kardashian say that she’s not beautiful enough and has to go extreme to change because she has cellulite on her bum. When in reality… over 90% of women (myself included) have cellulite. It’s just natural and it is in NO way an indicator of health. And it is NO way an indicator of beauty and self worth. 

I know it seems like it, but I’m not over here trying to throw Kim under the bus and blame her for reinforcing the diet culture. You see this kind of thing alllll over the media. And each and every post, article and snapchat story of this kind of thing just reinforces the idea that how our bodies look = what’s important. It’s horrible that our world is at the point where it doesn’t matter why Kim was at the beach or what activities she was participating in, what mattered was how her backside was looking. I definitely will say that I also feel so sorry for her though… she was there just trying to enjoy her time, but it became tainted when everyone rushed to judge her for having a less than perfect butt. 

There’s two main things I took from my experience of reading about good ol’ Kim K today; First, I know I’ve mentioned in a post before about social media, but reading that article today just reinforced that I need to be cautious about what I’m reading on social media. Because no, beautiful celebrities DO NOT know everything about physical and mental wellness. Just because they are doing something specific with their diet/exercise doesn’t mean that that is the way. In fact, they sometimes get extremely unhealthy from what they are doing (like eating “absolutely no carbs”). And Second, no matter WHO you are or what you look like… your body cannot please everyone. Yes, sadly there are people out there who do judge people based on their physical appearance. But you cannot live a happy life by going about trying to please those all people. I can promise you that it’s an impossible feat. But in reality, are those really the type of people that you want to associate with? If your answer is no, then DON’T WORRY ABOUT THEM. There are so many different great and wonderful things to concern yourself with than worrying about how somebody perceives your body. 

Healthy

Healthy

HEALTHY.
For me… that is a word that is filled with so much emotion. It’s a word that is slapped onto just about every diet, ‘magic superfood/shake’, and workout routine, and it gets devoured by people because, seriously, who doesn’t want to be healthy? Healthy = happy, right? But really, WHAT exactly is health? That probably sounds like a stupid question, but I think that our society has a pretty messed up idea of what health actually is and what it looks like.
I searched ‘healthy body’ on google images… and it just came up with a bunch of pictures of white women*, all of them were very slim, with flat tummies, and they were either smiling eating a salad or smiling running. There were also lots of pictures of scales and measuring tapes. It honestly made my blood boil. But I’ll admit that I definitely thought that these images and ideas of health were all the real deal not too long ago. In fact, my downfall into both part one and part two of my eating disorder (anorexia/orthorexia and binge eating) happened because I had every intention of getting what I thought was ‘healthy’. I also was just recently talking to my husband about this, but when I was loosing all the weight back in my sophomore year of high school in the midst of my anorexia, I was getting compliments up the freakin’ wazoo. Everyone commented about how I had the “perfect” body, and how they wish they could have my body. They said I looked so good. They asked how I was getting so healthy. How ironic it is that at this time that everyone thought I looked like the picture of ‘health’… I was actually the most unhealthy I had ever been. I was literally killing myself, but from the outside people thought I was just bein’ all ‘healthy’. Along with that, I got all of my information about how to ‘get healthy’ from the internet. I would just search terms like health and I would just read whatever articles would come up. Those articles just so happened to be all about losing weight. So naturally, I believed that weight loss was the equivalent to health. I think this same idea is engrained in our society.
I think I’ve mentioned in a post before about taking a class a year ago called Weight Management and Body Self-Esteem (if you attend UVU, I highly recommend that class with Sue Jackson, it was absolutely amazing). In the class, our teacher was very adamant about Intuitive Eating and Health at Every Size. Sadly, I listened to what she was saying, but I never completely took to it because I thought that “counting my macros was LIFE”, BUT, I specifically remember the day that she was talking about Health at Every Size (HAES). It’s a movement that is being pushed that suggests that there is not one ideal weight or size for each person. It suggests that a person should be comfortable and accept in their body, even if on the BMI chart it says that they are ‘overweight’ or ‘obese’. When I first heard that… I was like, there’s no way that that can actually be healthy, people can DIE from being overweight. I know that there are many others who think the same things that I thought that day. HOWEVER… by doing a bit of research and listening to more podcasts of Food Psych, and reading articles by Linda Bacon (basically the person who started the HAES movement), I couldn’t agree more. I’ve also just ordered Linda Bacon’s book, Health at Every Size… I’ll give my two cents after finishing reading that. There is research study after research study that has proven that a person’s actual weight is not the thing that is causing health problems. From the “Health at Every Size Manifesto” one sections states, “Epidemiological studies rarely acknowledge factors like fitness, activity, nutrient intake, weight cycling, or socioeconomic status when considering connections between weight and disease. Yet all play a role. When studies do control for these factors, increased risk of disease disappears or is significantly reduced. What’s likely going on here is that these other factors increase disease risk at the same time they increase the risk of weight gain.” (The whole manifesto can be found here). So basically this is saying that the amount of weight a person has has less of an effect on health then what is currently believed. Levels of physical fitness, daily activity, nutrient intake, etc are factors that are found to have a greater impact on a person’s health than the amount that a person weighs.
There’s an extreme amount of back lash on HAES. People will say that promoting Health at Every Size is encouraging people to just lay in bed and eat Nutella all day, or oppositely, that promoting Health at Every Size encourages people who are severely underweight to believe that they can stay that size and be ok. The thing that makes me laugh at these critics is the fact that they are missing the key point and it’s right within the title of what the movement is called. HEALTH at Every Size. H E A L T H. This brings us back to the question of what health actually is. Clearly, we know that it is not healthy to lay around and eat Nutella all day. And our bodies intuitively know that it is not healthy to do that. I guarantee that if a person was doing that, they would NOT feel good. They would probably get feeling pretty restless and sick. I know I feel lethargic and crappy when I spend an entire day just laying around and doing nothing. However, this does not mean that the polar opposite is what health is. Health is not a standard 60 minutes of cardio followed by 60 more minutes of weight lifting and pushing yourself to the point where you feel like you are about to pass out and then eating a breakfast of spinach and egg whites when you are 50000000000000% sick of eating egg whites. Chances are… when you work out waaaay too much and eat waaaay too little, you are also not going to feel very good. You’re going to feel fatigued, and maybe a bit hangry and cranky cause your body is dying for some carbs that you are refraining from giving it. Health is listening to your body, trusting what it’s telling you, and doing what makes it feel best. AKA… the answer for what health looks and feels like is going to be different for everyone. *jaw drop*
If you are living your life in a way that you genuinely feel your best with, and you are not a size 0 in your jeans and you don’t have a six pack, YOU ARE STILL HEALTHY. For example, I guess I got ‘blessed’ with the ability to love running (except I will admit that as of late, not being able to breathe when I run puts a damper on how enjoyable running is…) so for ME personally, I feel awesome after I get back from 8 mile run. Yeah, some people are probably like WTF you are psychotic but, running is what I love and it makes me feel great. However… you put me in a pool to do swimming of any kind… I’m not going to be lovin’ life and feeling as amazing. I hate swimming almost more than anything in this world. And don’t even get me started with things that involve coordination, like dancing/zumba or basketball, or, the thing that I’m the very worst at and my poor husband always has to bear with me ‘cause he’s stuck as my forever teammate… Spikeball. I would rather run a marathon than do those things, honest to goodness. TAKE ME OUT COACH. But, for some people, that’s probably their jam. Finding a way to move your body and break a sweat in a way that YOU love, is going to be the most beneficial. Same goes with eating. Find the foods that you love and make you feel the best, and eat em when you are hungry and stop when you are satisfied. Yes, it’s ok to be satisfied with what you are eating, it’s not a sin to love food.
Being healthy is something that is good to strive for, but it gets problematic when you are trying to live forever in perfect health like Chris Traeger (watch Parks and Rec right now if you do not know who that is). Think about it. We were put here on earth to live. I really like the analogy of comparing our bodies to cars… so bear with me. Picture someone who has a really nice car that they love. It’s a great car, and it has the capacity to take the person all over the place. But lets say that person gets extremely caught up with putting ONLY the finest and most expensive fuel in the car and also obsesses over making sure that the car has no scratches or dents on the exterior. The person is so worried about the car being perfect, that they get busy fixing it up in the garage every day. Friends and family ask the person to come on road trips with them, but the person doesn’t want to take the car out because they are worried that something will happen to the car. Not putting the nicest most expensive fuel in it could cause it to have a minor hiccup. Something could bump against the car and cause a dent to be formed, which would make the car’s exterior look less than perfect. The person protects the car and rarely takes it out of the garage. Life goes by and the person has missed out on a LOT of cool places and things. Even though the car had the capacity to take the person on all the adventures that he could imagine, even in an imperfect state, the person didn’t want to have an imperfect car.
If someone spends their life slaving in the gym to make sure that their body looks good, and obsessing over only putting the “purest, most clean” foods in their bodies… chances are, they are going to miss out on a lot. Our bodies, like cars have the capacity to take us wherever we want. But life isn’t supposed to be lived in the ‘garage’, obsessing over all of the flaws and imperfections of our bodies. Let’s stop missing out on life by trying to pursue what society claims “health” is. Obsessing over health is actually not very healthy at all.
Wanting What You Cannot Have

Wanting What You Cannot Have

I don’t know about you, but when someone tells me that I can’t do something, it makes me want to do it even more. For example, after I was hospitalized and told that I would never be allowed to run competitively again, I made it my one goal to get healthy again so I could prove them wrong (which I actually owe a HUGE part of my recovery to btw). When you tell a child that they can’t have a certain toy… they want that toy. BAD. (Same goes for cookies, like in this cute and hilarious video). In chick flicks, the boy chases the girl who is hard to get and won’t stop after she gives him the cold shoulder the first time. Why do we want what we can’t have?

I don’t know the science behind it, and hopefully one day I’ll be able to find a better answer to the question… but for now, all I can say is it’s true. We want what we can’t have… and until we get the thing, whatever it may be, we don’t stop thinking about it or working towards it.
Dieting is a good example of the bad side of this. Tell someone that they can’t eat carbs… and all of the sudden carbs seem to be the one thing that they crave the most. Tell them to not eat any sugar, and their sweet tooth goes wild. To a dieter, it can feel so frustrating to get these cravings for things that they would’ve never craved before starting the diet. The foods that they are restricting become a novelty, and when they put the “forbidden” label on a food, that food becomes something that they can’t stop thinking about. Many times, people will make sure that this food is never in their house or else they feel that they will loose all self control and eat ALL of it.
I can first hand say that I have been there, especially while I was binge eating on the weekly. I would make sure that I had NONE of my binge-triggering foods in our apartment, because if it was there, I just knew I would eat it all. So the moment that I faced whatever food it was…. guess what would happen? I would eat it all, feel extremely guilty for doing so, then swear that I would never touch that food again. But then the next time I faced that food, the cycle would continue. I felt absolutely hopeless and powerless against a FOOD. An inanimate item, an item that is simply made for consumption, had it’s own special power over me.
How can you take the power away from the food? By eating it. And taking the “forbidden” label off of it for good. Sounds crazy and scary, right? That’s what I thought too. You have to give yourself permission to eat this food when you would like, and how much you would like to satisfy your need. By giving yourself unlimited access to the food, you are taking the novelty away from it. The food will become ordinary, not as “rebellious” to eat. But, with everything in this process, you have to be fully open and honest with yourself about giving yourself the unlimited access with it.
I’ll give an example of my own. Last fall, I was taking a class called Weight Management and Body Self-Esteem and my teacher was very educated and 100% supportive with Intuitive Eating. She taught us this same lesson about restriction and giving yourself unlimited access to the “forbidden foods”. At the time, I was counting my macros trying to lose weight, but decided that I wanted to be free from the control that certain foods had on me. I am a big sweet tooth, and cereal and M&M’s are my jam. So that week that we had the lesson, I decided to purchase one of those big family sized bags of M&M’s and I would have a serving here and there until my fear of being out of control with that food subsided. However…. I half a$$ed it. Since I was counting my macros, it was really hard to make a decent sized serving of M&M’s fit in my macros without taking up basically half of my carbs and fats for the day… so I just would give myself half of a serving of the M&M’s, which was pretty much like 15 M&M’s. I don’t know about anyone else… but I feel that 15 M&M’s is  n o t h i n g. So as you can imagine, I would eat my wee lil’ amount of M&M’s but I would still want more. Soon that bag of M&M’s became what I thought at the time was a ‘big mistake’. All I could think about was that big bag of M&M’s. I would wake up in the morning and want those M&M’s. I would get home from classes and want those M&M’s. Before bed I would want those M&M’s. I would wake up in the middle of the night and want. those. dang. M&M’s. I desperately tried to fit the dang things into my macros but then I would debate with myself if it was really worth it to have that small of an amount of food take up macros when I could have more food for the same amount of macros. Normally, the later would win, but the craving for those M&M’s would sometimes get too much and I would go to “pound town” (coined phrase by the one and only Austin Riley Smith) and eat them until I felt absolutely sick. I then would swear that I wouldn’t touch them ever again. However… after my stomach pain subsided… I would want more M&M’s but I would tell myself that I couldn’t have them. The cycle repeated until the bag was gone.

Now, flash forward to a better example of today. As of late, Nutella has become a renewed favorite. Like all things that I deemed ‘unhealthy’, it used to be a “forbidden food” for me. When I would get into binge-mode, I would eat it straight from the jar and try to get as much of it in my mouth as possible. Recently, while getting back into intuitive eating, I have realized that eating Nutella straight without bread, pretzels or a banana is actually kinda gross to me. I no longer feel an impulse to shovel that chocolately goop into my mouth like there’s no tomorrow. Now, I’ll allow myself to have Nutella whenever I want. Even if it’s twice (or three, or four, or more times) in a day. I’ll eat a Nutella sandwich and feel satisfied and go on with my life. I won’t sit there feeling guilty and tell myself that I’ll never eat Nutella again. I also don’t sit here and think about that jar Nutella in the cupboard all day long. I’m free to think about important things like LIVING LIFE now.

Restriction, in my mind, is a recipe for disaster. When you put restriction in your diet, you give power to the foods that you are cutting out. You give that food the power to make you nervous and not let it be inside your house, and the power to make you feel guilty and bad about yourself if you end up eating it. Being 100% honest with yourself, and taking the “forbidden” and “bad” labels off of food is giving you more control in the end.

I’m going to go make myself a Nutella sandwich.